if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
