I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The beers last night were like the tears from god
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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