just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
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"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
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Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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