yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
