i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Who put my cat in the fridge?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
