omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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