She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The police scanner is talking about you again....
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
