Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
