I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
