But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
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Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
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I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Who died my cat blue again?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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