I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
