I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We have so much sex to catch up on
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
