nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
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He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
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Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I have peed in a lot of sinks
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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