Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
me + whiskey = a bad person
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
