people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just blew my weed a kiss
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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