New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
