i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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