Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
