Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
she pinky promised me she was 18
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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