We named our party play list daddy issues
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
