I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Randomize
