Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
