There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
