remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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