Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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