Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
