I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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