everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize