Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
pray to the hookup gods
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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