I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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