what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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