just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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