This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
