Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
