It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
