when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
How's work?
Spinning.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize