the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
