24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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