I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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