so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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