Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
