naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
