wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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