I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
