if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
