I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
