my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
