He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
