yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
