She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
