my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
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Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
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Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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