You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
