The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
