If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
