a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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