oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
