Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
now i know why i became what i already was.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Even my vagina gasped.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
