I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
