You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize