i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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