You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
