i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
