My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
