The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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