i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
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I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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