My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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