Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
