If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
