Christians are straight up FREAKS
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
barbara walters just said penis...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Randomize
