so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
